Friday, April 28, 2006

It ain't ugly until it's expensive enough

As much as it pains us shoelovers, the world is full of ugly shoes. You only need to walk in the midst of the throng for approximately 2 nanoseconds before this cringeworthy truth hits you in the face. Still, nobody seems to care about ugly and CHEAP shoes, the type you find for $10 at your local Payless or on sale at WalMart--and I can't even argue too much with that. After all, not everyone has the money to shop for Manolo Blahniks, or even for the Target-variety Isaac Mizrahi, for that matter.

However, when the shoes are both expensive AND ugly, well then, that's something to be pointed out and ridiculed--the poor man's Schadenfreude at the realization that money can't buy taste. Such as, for example, this fugtastic pair of Gianfranco Ferre boots (5 1/4 inch heel!), which I seem to recall that The Manolo himself ridiculed a while back: A mere $2793.95 will buy you the most ostentatious sprained ankle you are ever likely to suffer.

Cavalli is, I know, I know, an obvious contender to the most (expensive+ugly+painful) prize. Behold these 4 1/4' mules:

Which, I believe, were made by making minimal adjustments to this tribal mask:

I wonder if part of the $970 price tag is going to help charities in Africa. Ha! I can't even WRITE this with a straight face.

I have to admit though that these two examples are as cute as a button compared to this monstrosity from Dsquared2:

What the hell happened here? Although Dsquared2 are not my favorite designers (they seem to favor the 4" spike heel a little too much for my taste), at least their shoes were, by and large, cute and chic, with beautiful curves, tasteful jewelry, and pretty colors. But this--it's like Jack the Ripper paired up with Dr. Jekyll and decided to go into the shoemaking business. The Ripper took his slashtastic tendencies on an innocent flock of sheep, and Jekyll came up with the schizoid design through which he hoped to further torment womankind with the perilous heel and the uncomfortable sensation of having cutout shearling on your feet, which can only feel sweaty on warm days and drafty on cold days. To top it all off, they charged a ridiculously high price ($670) for the privilege of having your feet tortured, thus ensuring a steady supply of rich but kinda ditzy followers.

4 Comments:

At 4:17 AM, Anonymous KRiSTOPHER DUKES said...

Ooh la love.

I'm lusting for 2 out of 3 of those shoes.

Hint, def. not the clog. Never a clog. I'm with you on that, but those over the knee boots have been calling to me for months.

 
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